Being a naturally curious person and always fascinated by the 
lives of others, I am instantly drawn each week to the family secrets column featured in The Times T2 supplement.
It is invariably a deeply personal tale of tragedy and despair, remorse and regrets, a cleansing of the sole and a chance to let the skeletons come rattling out of the cupboard. Anybody who struggles with a family secret is invited it share it publicly. Anonymity is guaranteed.
Today’s story is truly shocking and hearbreaking, it is the story of a mentally handicapped woman called Maria who died of untreated syphilis at the age of 61 after her life support machine was switched off. Anyone who enquired was told she had died of natural causes. You can read it here.
The shamed writer is a cousin of Maria’s who "wimped out" because she couldn’t face the stomach-turning horror of Maria’s personal appearance and aggression – or the smell – and she kept her head down until she died.
Maria’s mother had caught rubella during her pregnancy which affected unborn child. She was too proud and ashamed to seek help and Maria never developed mentally beyond the age of eight.
It is believed she had been steralised and she lived alone after her mother died. She is described as "a good-natured innocent with a woman’s body" and family members helped from a distance.
One day Maria’s sister discovered that she developed weeping sores and her two sisters took it in turns to take her to the doctor where they were barred from consultations, the doctor insisted on seeing Maria alone and after her visits, her sores remained undressed. Information was not forthcoming.
The shamed cousin now admits:
"I should have gone up there and hammered on the GP’s door. Maria, meanwhile, went from chubby to stick-thin. She lost her hair, developed a rash over her head – and her phone calls stopped when she went deaf. Her sight was fading, too."
Finally, her brother discovered Maria in a coma in bed after a Christmas she had spent alone, not eating.
It is a harrowing story of unprofessional neglect against a woman who was incapable of caring for herself, a woman of 61 with the mental age of eight who was visibly unwell and in considerable discomfort and agony. Why didn’t she have a social worker? Where were the other caring agencies? And how could any civilised person ignore a vulnerable and helpless family member in this shameful way? How could anyone with a conscience "wimp out"?
The sad tale ends:
At the funeral, Maria’s brother recited Larkin’s poem: “They f*** you up, your mum and dad.” In Maria’s case, they’re not the only ones.
What a tragic epitaph.
Poor Maria, rest in peace….
Why didn’t she have a social worker? Did anyone refer her? Do you think social workers walk the streets looking for vulnerable people in their spare time?
This woman had a mother and siblings and a cousin,it seems, articulate enough to write an article for a national newspaper, but none of them took any real responsibility for this poor member of their family.
The anonymous writer of this piece had the wherewithal to help this woman, as did the woman’s siblings. They failed. At least her siblings made some attempt to help. The writer did nothing. To the cousin I say this: If you think that your intervention could have saved the woman’s life then, bluntly, you bear some of the responsibility for her death.
But I suspect the comments at The Mail will suggest, as usual, that this was not a matter of personal, familial responsibility. The assumption that a mother and siblings will do little or nothing to help a family member will be played down and The State will be accused, as per usual, of not taking control of this woman’s life thus allowing her family to ‘wimp out’.
What a terrible story…
My goodness, what a shameful story and one could point fingers at so many people here. Family! Not always the ones on your side apparently.
These are the ones for whom heaven is reserved.
What a tragic tale. I cannot think of anything appropriate to say…
Well I can – relatives DID take the girl to the State in the form of a doctor, who could have had her assesed, sectioned even, or at least dressed her wounds. How on earth did she get the STD she died of and what the hell was the doctor doing in his office with her as he obviously wasn’t treating her??? Insisted on seeing her alone – was a nurse present? Is this man still practising and if so, why?!