I wondered why Mike walked silently by when I spoke to him at 
a Christmas bash last week – I called out the wrong name, I should have said Ian!
I’m normally good with names, unlike Bryan Appleyard, who becomes readily fixated by ties, agonised expressions, architectural details, stony silences, dentistry, canapes, shoes, carpets – anything, in fact, but words and names. My husband is hopeless with names too.
The Ian in question is a former Cambridge Evening News hack who has since found fulfilment as a college porter and would love to learn flying.
People often get my name wrong. I get letters addressed to L. E. Seymour, and once had a newspaper byline as Ethel. What’s the oddest name you’ve been called in genuine error? And what do you do if you can’t remember someone’s name? Is there a golden rule which can be applied for this scenario? I haven’t figured it out yet and would love to know how to skilfully charm my way out of a potentially embarrassing situation.
Ethel? Oh dear. People often get my last name wrong and misspell it to end in ar instead of er.
You may make a guess at who’s called me a lot on names but none of them were accidental, unfortunately :-/ Oh well no spirit of good cheer for me then. I’m terrible with names too, since I got bashed in the head I’m hopeless and just don’t call people by their names. Try it, even when introducing people you can say what they are rather than who: I’d like you to meet a delightful colleague of mine who… and you focus on their job/hobby/husband/achievement and then you suddenly have to be somewhere else and they introduce themselves.
Or you could use my other strategy – I’m terribly shy so I just don’t go out so don’t have to talk to anyone, except on the net where everyones name shows up.
My maiden name was Kittow – a good Cornish name which no one outside Cornwall can ever get their heads round. I was called Kitton, Kitten, Kittoff, and all manner of things but rarely Kittow.
My memory for names is dreadful – utterly dreadful. I even forget the names of relatively close friends and colleagues and it happens all the time. Extremely embarassing and Tony Buzan memory techniques don’t work in any practical sense – they’re alright for party tricks but that’s about it. I ask my wife how she remembers so well and her answer is “I just do.” and that’s the truth of it really. Some just do and others can’t.
A funny story for you, Ellee.
I once had difficulty booking a table by phone – my sir name seemed to cause problems for the Asian people who worked at the restaurant:
“I’m Mr Peat”
“Mr Bit, sir ?”
“No – P-E-A-T”
“Oh – Mr Pet”
“No – Peat as in ‘compost’ ”
“Ahhh ! I see, sir – Peter Compost”
“Yes, that’s right …” I arrived at the restaurant with my wife and presented myself so. I got my own back by eating all of the Bombay mix in the waiting area.
I have always been embarassingly bad at remembering names _ even tho I tend to be able to remember the most trivial of other details about people. As Philippa says: you develop coping strategies, like larding your opening remarks with such detail that it will never enter their head that you cannot remember their name _ e.g. “How is your aunt in Scunthorpe? I seem to recall you mentioning that she was going into hospital for a hip operation? “…and if someone joins you after this preamble: “Do introduce yourselves _ I’m desperate for the loo” or similar…
Apparently, our brain stores proper names in a different region of the brain to all the other stuff which must explain why people with an otherwise excellent memory can have a blackspot when it comes to names…
Kevin, great story, Mr Peat.
David, I liked this suggestion: “Do introduce yourselves _ I’m desperate for the loo” or similar.
Flowerport, that is a very unusual name
and Phiippa, it sounds like you are charm personified in these unwelcome circumstances.
Ellee – ‘charm personified’? Oh crikey I wish I was. Boris is a great role model – he reminds us that mistakes and misunderstandings are a symptom of being human. We can learn from them. He could charm the varnish off the most wooden countenance and make it smile :-))
Well, as a teacher in the UK people I’d taught in one school or another were always coming up to me and saying, “You used to teach me – remember?!” Usually I could remember their faces but not their names and I found the best way around it was to calmly tell them just that. They were never offended. I normally have a good memory for names but you can’t remember everyone you taught!