When I married, my husband’s family were not keen to invite 
children to the wedding because his side included many cousins with young offspring, most of whom he rarely saw. My side of the family is much smaller and nephews and nieces were invited as my attendants.
I did regret going along with their decision because I like to see different generations meeting up at weddings. Why are we so intolerant of childish noise and excitement?
And children were not invited to a wedding I went to last weekend, where the bride unusually wore black, except for the two tiny attendants. She was marrying her second "man cub", her husband is more than 20 years her junior.
Iain Dale gets hitched tomorrow in a civil partnership in a castle 
to his partner of 13 years, John Simmons. But the 100 chosen guests, among them David Davis – ("perhaps we might have a whip round and and ask the rest of the guests to contribute to his campaign!") -do not include the partners of their friends if they do not know them.
This is most unusual and I wonder if it could lead to complications on their special day. This is what Iain says about it in his report in today’s Eastern Daily Press:
"I have lost count of the number of people who have emailed or rung and asked if they can bring so-and-so. I’m too polite to say, well if we wanted to invite them, their names would have appeared on the list."
Because Iain couldn’t explain this, does it mean he will end up with extra guests who haven’t fully understood?
He also tells readers that civil partnerships was one of the few real achievements of the Blair government, and that stable relationships, whether straight or gay, are a good thing.
I certainly agree with that, and have joined the 200 plus readers who posted a comment wishing Iain and John every happiness. I hope the sun shines on them, unlike the showers which Colleen and Wayne had in Italy during their nuptials this week.
At the end of the day, everyone should decide for themselves how they want to tie the knot and who to invite. So on the subject of weddings, what is the most unusual one you have attended and how do you keep guest numbers down without upsetting anyone. Have you ever been excluded from a wedding invite like this? And what is your view of civil partnerships?
That’s a lot of questions…
I think it is down to the couple getting married who they do and don’t invite and a way of keeping the list of invites down would be to only invite close friends. You would have to be firm about it though and not get swayed by other people who have different ideas. I think the most unusual wedding I went to was one where only close friends were invited, there were no family members. There were only 10 of us there and it was one of the most fun weddings I have ever been to.
As to civil partnership that is also a personal choice.
Yeah, I was once excluded from a wedding as the unmarried partner of someone. They invited their friends and their partners (but only if they were married to them). I found it a bit irksome to be honest but as you say everyone should be able to organise their wedding as they wish.
The best weddings I have been to have been relaxed affairs, outdoors and with plenty of champagne flowing. And yes, I think often civil partnerships are often more fun.
G and I have no plans to get married but I do very much think that we should have the option to do so if we wished in the same way that heterosexual couples do. So obviously I support civil partnerships. But I am not a great advocate of marriage – I think if you love someone then it is a matter between the two of you and that it does not need formalising in that way. But I know others disagree, particularly if they plan to have children. But it’s good that we all get to choose really. I love parties but I’m sure we can find a reason to have a good party without getting married.
As for the children issue – I think these ritual type events are one of the few occasions when members of the different generations do get together so it does seem a shame to exclude them.
I could write “War & Peace” on this subject Ellee but wouldn’t want to bore your readers. Suffice to say that weddings cause more family aggravation than anything!
Civil partnerships are right. Homosexuals ought to have the same property rights and kinship as any other.
I think it’s a bit offish to exclude partners. And children ? Perhaps from the nuptuals where they can be disruptive, but not the reception.
I agree with Jeremy. Weddings cause such turmoil. Mine certainly did.
I wish we’d just eloped and had a civil arrangement – far more romantic in my view.
I particularly hated the present list sent out with cards in which I thought was naff. It was so not my style and I don’t know why I put up with it.
Civil “partnerships”? You can keep them. I am not for gay union at all. Debases the structure of our society. Not for “christian” weddings, or any other religious weddings for that matter. In fact dont’ like religions at all.
But if push came to shove, I would be a pagan. I have worked with a lot of gays in the music industry. If you thing an “ordinary” relationship is difficult, get behind the scenes with this lot- makes your hair curl
oops thing= think!
sorry
“I particularly hated the present list sent out with cards in which I thought was naff. It was so not my style and I don’t know why I put up with it”. Then why did you Kev?
Of course the worst bit is when you receive a pre-printed “Thank You” card for the expensive gift you sent the new happy couple.
How many people do you never see again after they get married?
My son and his wife didn’t have children at their wedding. Not even his brothers children could go. I totally agreed with it, and then that way my youngest son and his partner got to enjoy the whole weekend.
And what about Alan Duncan’s wedding?
I think it’s perfectly acceptable to not invite people that you don’t know. Your wedding is one of, if not THE most important day of your life and sharing it with people you barely know or haven’t even met before is crazy.
http://lettersfromatory.wordpress.com
You have a point LFAT but some people like to impress and show off. What’s worse is people who discuss how much they should spend on a wedding present.
Jeremy, yes, the wedding guest list can be a nightmare. But then so can trying to please warring divorced parents and their new partners.
I hope Iain’s do went off well.
I’m against ‘civil partnerships’ because the way the law is worded it is aimed directly at homosexual couples, which disciriminates against those who wish to give a commitment who are not homosexual. I think it a mistake to invite the state into the bedroom to make a judgement. That’s the end of privacy. It should have been for ALL people who wish to make a civil, legal partnership, such as the sisters famously discriminated against. One of whom will have to leave her home when the other either dies or needs special care. That is wrong.
My view doesn’t discriminate against homosexual people living together or making a legal commitment. But the law as it stands does discriminate against other people because of their sexuality – because they are NOT homosexual.
I’m not sure what situation Philipa is referring to about the “sisters.” But my beef is that gays are allowed these civil commitments or whatever they’re called and get all the same rights and privileges as married folk. But those of us who are single, divorced, or widowed get none of that. If a girl friend (heterosexual) and I decided to live together for financial reasons, neither of us would get any rights towards each other’s share of the house – unless specified in a legal document or benefits, etc. I think that’s what Philipa is referencing.
Re weddings, it depends on who the children are. If members of the immediate family, then of course they should be included if the bride & groom wish it, but taken home if the party goes late. Friends should not expect their children to be invited unless specifically indicated.
My daughter and her husband have been invited, naturally, to her husband’s sister’s wedding and the bride’s attendants called my daughter re the “stagette.” She was expected to cough up multi dollars for her share of the limo, party decorations, food, drink, and a monetary gift! (Doesn’t the maid of honour give the shower?) Of course my daughter declined the invitation and her hubby declined the “stag” invitation which was a weekend in Vegas! (they can’t afford that!) They opted instead to take the bride & groom out to dinner one night as a gift to them before the wedding.
These shindigs are getting out of hand sometimes, in my humble opinion.
Oh yes, and daughter’s SIL specifically told my daughter that she was only asking for money for wedding gifts. I thought that was really tacky! But my daughter told her right to her face that she does not give money as wedding gifts so she better think up something she’d like or she’d just get what she chooses for her. hah
Leslie – if Ellee will allow the links to the story of the sisters they can be found here: http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-2407.html and here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/1528745/Treat-us-like-lesbians,-say-sisters-in-tax-fight.html
The court of human rights ruled against them (blog report here).
My point was that people can get married and promise to love each other. They can choose the vows they want. It is not a condition of marriage that the union be a sexual one. The civil partnership law banishes privacy and judges people on their sexuality – you can ONLY enter into a civil partnership if you are homosexual. Therefore the sisters, who clearly love each other and are wholly commited to each other (I would venture that they have proved a deeper commitment than most civil partnerships) are discriminated against. They have a lesser legal claim than two lesbians who have known each other for half a year instead of all their lives.
PS: on the subject of parity with marriage I think the words of someone who has done both are interesting – Pete Burns:
He told The Mail on Sunday he had been “optimistic” about his civil partnership, but now he says: “I learned the hard way. It’s a total joke.” Burns accused Simpson, 40, of being unfaithful and admitted he felt disillusioned. Burns added that some homosexual couples had “open marriages” where the partners could be unfaithful. He said: “There’s a lot of promiscuity in the gay community. I don’t understand why they take that union. How low is their self-esteem? “One’s on Hampstead Heath meeting men, the other one’s hiring rent boys. “Surely marriage is throwing anchor and saying, ‘This is where I’m staying, I’ve made my choice and this is all I want because I’ve been on the up and down escalator, through the revolving door and I want to stand still.’ That’s what I expected.” He added: “I don’t know what goes on in many heterosexual marriages but I know mine was 28 years.
Pete Burns was happily married and would have stayed married but his wife needed to separate. He later fell in love with a man and had a civil partnership. Those were his views on them both.
Incidentally Little Britain star Matt Lucas has split from his partner Kevin McGee. The pair were married in a civil partnership ceremony 18 months ago, and will be the
first homosexual celebrity couple to ‘divorce’ since the law was changed to allow same-sex ceremonies two and half years ago. TV producer McGee, 31, will be entitled to a large slice of Lucas’s fortune, which has prompted the comic to employ Mishcon de Reya, the same solicitor used by Heather Mills in her divorce from Paul McCartney, and by Princess Diana.
Jeremy,
I don’t know why I put up with it.
Younger and less wise I suppose. I had both of them at me – mother-in-law AND fiancee. Good grief ! Nightmare.
😉
So who not to invite to a wedding ?
The bride and mother-in-law for a start !
First time around I got married in America and all my relatives other than my Mum and Dad (divorced for many years) stayed home. They managed to last about a day before they were back to their fighting tricks. So it was only most of my wife’s direct family (13 siblings) and a few of our friends at the house we were staying.
Next time around we were living in Singapore and had the wedding at a vineyard south of Adelaide. Only my Dad and my mums dad came from Scotland, which was nice. That time it was only about 20 rellies at a restaurant.
I recommend having the courage to organise it the way you want it. Not the way others want it.