I was appalled to read a shocking court case in my local paper today about a mother who was too frightened to wake her violent teenage son to send him to school; he has only attended 22 out of 175 sessions and she pleaded guilty to one charge of failing to secure his regular attendance at school.
The sympathetic magistrates in Ely gave the bullied mother a 12-month conditional discharge and sympathised with her plight saying, “Given his behaviour towards you and the violence, there’s a limit to what you can do.”
The woman told the court that she had tried to get her son to school, but that he was violent towards her, and she was frightened of trying to get him up in the morning.
I wonder whether her son is going to face charges of violence towards his mother, or is he going to be allowed to continue behaving this way? What can be done to remedy this awful situation?
The woman left the court with the magistrates words ringing in her ears asking her to do “everything you can” to get him to school, even though one would image she had exhausted all attempts, hence her appearance in court.
Surely the lesson this boy needs to learn is that bullies cannot get away with such appalling behaviour, and that he should respect his mother. One dreads to think what kind of adult is he going to be unless he somehow sees the error of his ways. In many ways I sympathise with the mother, but then she probably unwittingly created the monster child she now has ….
In this case , they are so wrong to blame the mother or even charge her. That boy should be taken in for assessment , and find out what his problems are .. then maybe go from there. Yes you do wonder what sort of adult he is going to be,,,, but also Ellee I am very surprised at your last remark … in fact I am shocked!! Lots of boys/men are violent because they have been brought up with it, or they think it is big and some are violent because of a mental health problem but I tell you , I am sure most of the mothers do/did not unwittingly create a monster child.
Hi Anne, Just to respond to your last point, the boy’s GP said therye was no medical reason for him to be away from school, and I’m sure he would have highlighted a mental problem if it existed, and perhaps this case wouldn’t have come to court in those circumstances.
My comment about the mother is because it is sometimes all too easy to give in to kids and take the easy way out and they end up with vile kids. She certainly does need support, and it would be good if her family could help her, and if not, as the court and local authorities know about this situation, some professional support should be offered.
Where is the father ?
Kevin, sadly no mention of a father.
Absolute rubbish … GPs are not the right help, they are the START but not the right help. And it is down to them to put you in touch with the right association or help. No way can they high light problems of this nature. They are General Practioners …. It has taken us 12 years to get help for my son, now age 27,and where did we get that help?? in the court .. because HE WAS ATTACKED .. and he was the one that ended up in court.
I don’t know you Ellee, but I can tell you, you have no idea what it is like living with a child/adult who is in some state or other ..and it is NOT the EASY way out it is the ONLY Way out … unless you want to take a battering …They do not always have a loving family around them and yes the courts and professionals should take this on board.. They do not!! And you try getting support even when they are diagnosed with something!! This country
needs to get a grip of who actually needs help and support and who is faking it ,, I certainly am not …. fighting for 12 years to get
my son help .. to find out what was wrong with him …. yes got a diagnosis but not much help after that.
Ellee , you have two sons, great sons, no problems, university, etc etc, loving family , loving husband… maybe a few problems along the way .. but no idea.. it is hard.
Enough said then, Ellee. I’d be most surprised to find he’s still on the scene.
Sadly fathers are written out of the family by the courts, media, scriptwriters and the benefits system nowadays. In response to the Sky Sports sexism fiasco I would add (the men rightly losing their jobs) that preceding the news bulletin on which the news was presented there were two TV adverts where men were abused and made out to look stupid. In fact over the years making fun of men has been the staple of TV advertisers and I could direct you to a myriad of examples of such adverts. Then there are the female newspaper columnists who are allowed a free pass to disparage men every week (in fact there wouldn’t be much left of their columns if they didn’t.) Female comediennes who can make jokes such as ‘the only good men are dead men’ or Loose Womeh who spend every lunchtime openly being sexist against men.
Am I being too sensitive here ? I don’t think so. As the football pundits at Sky now know women take it very seriously indeed when the situation is reversed. There is no question of us saying to them “Oh lighten up, it’s only a joke.” as they do to us.
I believe this continuous undermining of the British male has helped lead to family breakdown, low esteem and low educational attainment among boys, low levels of responsibility (meeting low expectations) and eventually the violence you describe here when there’s no dad around to stop it.
And it does not matter if you have a father or not … if you are suffering from a mental health illness.. my son had a father around him til he was 15… the son had to come and live with me …
‘@ Electro Kevin ….men are made fun all of the time .. I have read it and heard it .. jokes and magazine columns .. This football thing has been blown out of all proportion .. ..Why those two men lost their jobs is beyond be.. . Women want to be in the Male world … they want to be Equal .. they want their jobs .. take the banter .. you cannot have it both. When males and males work together there is still the back stabbing banter .. but it is fine . It happens in all walks of life..
Common sense, isn’t it, Anne.
I’m being slightly ironic in my stance on this subject. The fact is I do have a sense of humour about it but there is a serious and corrosive side to it all. Most notably that it is a career finisher for a chap to deploy the same humour as women are free – indeed paid well – to use against him.
This is deeply insidious. It marks out and reinforces daily with subliminal messaging the apparent irrelevence of men. It diminishes what they are capable of doing, as though mending cars or fixing boilers requires no skill or intelligence and that men are dispensable. It manifests itself in government policy which says clearly that families are better off without fathers and then goes on to ensure that this is so by skewing the benefits system against partners who stay together.
“I got rid of him. He was no use.” Says the mother who now relies on benefits to get by, paid for mainly by other fathers.
I don’t doubt there are rare medical reasons for troublesome children. But the vast majority of it begins with kids being naughty (as they are want to do) rather than ill and not being brought back into line.
Even a capable mother such as my wife relies on the ultimate sanction “Wait ’til your father gets home.” to keep our boys in line.
And a further comment if I may. The upurge in the use of Ritalin. Both my wife (a former teaching assistent) and our school teacher friends (our general social circle) are alarmed and dismayed by the amount of children who now have psycological problems – from maladjustment (not being toilet trained or skilled in basic socialisation) to downright violence and disorder at an early age.
Could this be something to do with the lack of permanence in parental partnerships nowadays ? By this I mean that young women are choosing the most ‘exciting’ men in their peer groups to mate with rather than the most suitable for fathering their children.
In choosing a temporary ‘exciting’ partner with which to mate it then becomes clear that the ‘exciting’ gene is the one which is concieved.
A male who would not even be considered to be worthy of long-term partnership is – by means of the benefit system – chosen to be a father. Thus the ‘unsuitable’ gene is passed on and the mother is left with a bastard child in both senses of the word.
Unfortunately the man hating womens rights types have for years undermined the stable family , and I mean a man and a woman and married .
Instead any sort of family will do for children , different dad for each child , same sex ( doesnt mmatter what the child will get for that from the other kids at school )mothers on drugs ,( I was once told by a social worked regarding a small child living with a mother taking class A drugs ” its just a different sort of parenting ” !!)
There are no longer enough male role models outside the home, hardly any male junior school teachers , no foreman at the works with young lads as apprentices .No fear of the local bobby no repect for the Vicar ( who are now so often women )
So we have acres of young lads with no stability , no future , no ambition , no rules , no wonder we have these types of situations .
But just dare to openly say these things and you will be harranged by the PC brigade for being ” judgemental “
I would be willing to bet the father is not in this household. Unfortunately boys suffer a great deal when they’re forced to grow up in a single family home. Please read this from a study released just two days ago:
From USA Today:
“Adults who were children when their parents divorced are more likely to seriously consider suicide than adults who grew up in intact families, according to a new study.
“…Men whose parents divorced when they were children were three times more likely to seriously consider suicide (suicidal ideation) than other men. Adult daughters of divorced parents were 83% more likely to have suicidal thoughts than those whose parents stayed married.â€
hello ALLEE..i think because of every problem there is one reason stands.so according to me i think parents should find out the reasons of misbehaving.it can be like-http://www.judithbassler.com/blog/child-misbehaving-isssues.html